Where in the world has Emmalee Aple been?

Hello.

Yes, I'm alive.

To the few of you that follow me still, Hello. Thank you for being patient.

I wish I could tell you that I have been out travelling very remote areas of the world and that is why I just vanished from the internet.

But, I can't.  My adventure starts out a lot less exciting and very uncomfortably sad. Maybe that's why it has taken me so long to share it. Because I really just do not want to relive that part of my life, but I will. What I went through has to be said, you deserve to know why I abandoned you, especially when I was so close to finally getting to where I was working to be.

I apologize, this is going to be long. It might not even all fit on one blog post, I might have to divide it, but trust me, as uncomfortable and sad this might start out at... I am in a much better place now. I promise, this chapter of my life ends happily.

So, 2015... here we go.

Last time we talked, I was married to my high school sweetheart, mother of two and aspiring author.  I had just gotten through two really tough miscarriages but I was pushing through, writing was my outlet, it helped me cope with everything. I was a stay at home mom, I thought I had everything. I thought life was good.

Then March 2015 happened. When the man I thought would love me forever went on a business trip and phoned home one morning to tell me the biggest lie I had ever caught him in.

"I walked my co-worker to her room, she invited me in but I told her I was happily married and that her advances were not wanted."

That's what he told me, or a version of that, either way, I was proud of my husband. He had a women hit on him and he turned her down.

Or so I thought.

He came home the next night, and nothing was the same. One a daily basis he would ask me if I wanted a divorce, what he would have to do in order for me to want a divorce, what if he wanted a divorce.

I was firm, clearly he was going through something, I told him over and over, I didn't want a divorce, whatever was bothering him, we would make it through. We were a team. He was my one and only, I never planned to leave him. We would make it through, for us, for the kids, we would get through it and be better for it. I truly believed it.

He told me he wanted to rekindle his relationship with his sister... the one he was currently not speaking to because she did the unthinkable, she had an affair on her husband and divorced him for another man.

Things were not adding up, I realize I am not the smartest person in the world. I won't be winning any geniusy awards for creating the cure for all the worlds ailments. But things were not making sense. So I asked the question I really didn't want to hear the answer to.

What really happened on the business trip.

That's when the story changed. This time, he did go in her room. But still he turned her down.

It got worse from there.

I have to say, my sleuthing skills were on point.

He started to use the credit card that we kept just incase for a lot of very unusual purchases.

Like a hotel room, in the middle of a work day... when he was supposed to be in this big meeting.

So, I went. Not sure if it was the smartest or dumbest thing I have ever done. But I went. My mom and dad in tow just to make sure I didn't do something stupid. I sat outside that hotel and waiting and sure enough....

They walked out together. Him and the woman. They walked out of a hotel together, both carrying bags, his work backpack and her a huge purse over night bag type thing. And she looked right at me, sitting across the street in my car, with my camera up to my eye, and smiled.

I still have that picture.

It reminds me, I can be strong.

Even after that... even after he lied to me about being there, even though I had proof.

"we just needed someplace to talk, she was having a hard time at work and we just needed a quiet place to talk"

Because coffee shops and libraries are you know, inconvenient or something.

Whatever.

I was still determined we could make it through it.

And it got worse.

He stopped coming home from work on time, staying late, late night projects, coming home at 4 or 5 in the morning.

Still I stayed firm, he would realize what he was missing, he would come back. He would see. He loved me and our kids and would get over it.

Then came our daughters birthday party.

He never came home the night before. Turned off his phone after I probably called it 50-60 times. Turned his phone off.

According to Uber, they got picked up at her apartment and went downtown, then at bar close went back to her apartment.

Told you, I really should have been an investigator.

They took trips to New York together, lovers weekends. He would tell me it was a business trip, but leave on a Friday and not come home until Sunday.  He works for a company that runs Monday through Friday.

Finally late at night he started to tell me, how they kissed during the first business trip, how they tried to have sex but he just couldn't do it...

I found their condoms in his work bag one day... a three pack.... the variety type. Except there were two.

I found their conversations, no matter how many times he changed his password on his phone or his computer, I found them. I read them. I felt unbelievable pain over and over, every day.

I started running.

I stopped eating.

I couldn't eat, nothing was appetizing.

I was losing myself.

I hated myself.

I tried to be strong. I tried to be who he wanted me to be.

He wanted me to stop writing.

I did.

He wanted me to get a job.

So I applied.

I tried to keep us together. For our kids. For us.  For what I thought love was.

I prayed.

I pleaded with God. I pleaded with myself.

I begged him to leave her.

He stopped hiding it.

Every night that he managed to come home, he sat on his phone for hours texting her.

I turned into someone I never want to be again. Someone so overcome by pain and fear and grief. I could see I was losing him, I was losing me. I was losing everything I believed in.

I went to interviews.

I thought I could make him happy if I could just land a job that would make him proud again to be my husband. 

I was doing things that I was uncomfortable with, just to please him, to entice him, to rekindle that fire.

All while he flaunted her in front of me.

I was pathetic.

I was lower than low and couldn't see a way out.

I wasn't a brave person.

I couldn't see a life without him.

I didn't want to.

I was blind by my own fears.

He was turning our friends against me, I would call him out on his affair and he would convince them I was crazy. That I was losing it. That I was nuts. And they believed him. I would try to reach out for help from the people I knew he would listen to, his friends, his family... they all turned a blind eye. Afterall, this was a man who no one would ever think would do something like that. He was well respected in the community, a volunteer, he had a good job, he was smart.

He's a manipulator.

A liar.

But I was still under his spell.

A friend told me about a job she saw posted on facebook.

I prayed hard as I applied. If I could get that job... I would be okay.

If I got that job, I would feel strong, I would feel protected, it would be God's way of telling me that it was time for me to leave. That he would not change, I needed to find my own way. I was applying for a job at the local police department.

I was terrified.

Hitting the send button on that email was the most hardest thing I had ever done up until that point.

I did it.

And they called me in for an interview.

I was so nervous, there was so much riding on this.

My interview happened to fall on a week where he was in New York with her.

I was so distraught and nervous and overwhelmed by all the stress in my life.

Plus by now, my weight loss was out of control. I'd lost about 50 lbs by then my body was spiraling out of control, I was dizzy more than I wasn't and I just couldn't eat. I started drinking Naked juice just to get some calories.

I was late for the interview.

A whole 15 minutes late.

I thought I had been early, a whole 15 minutes early.

This threw me off.

There was no way they were going to hire me.

No way in hell.

They interviewed me anyways. They gave me a chance. I was so nervous and I just knew it was a pity interview. I thought I bombed it. I answered everything honestly, with everything I had left in me.

I had made them laugh. I was a wreck.

I left there, didn't even make it out of the parking lot before I called my mom, crying.

I had bombed the interview.

My husband still wanted another woman, a successful woman, a woman with a job and things in common with the man who was supposed to love me.

A few days later, the Chief called me.

Asked me to come in to talk.

I was the Village loon, he didn't want me going through the village doing something crazy, so he was calling me in to let me down easy.  That's what I had in my head. That's what I was convinced.

He offered me the job.

I asked him if he was sure.

He was.

It was only part time. Not the hours I really wanted, but the job was mine if I wanted it. And the pay was good.

I took it.

I wasn't even out of the parking lot before I was on the phone with my mom. Crying.

Things were gonna change. I was going to be brave. I hadn't worked in 8 years. I was going to be a working mom. It was part time so I could still do everything in my kids life like I had been.

Things were gonna get better.

I started my job, I felt good. I made new friends.

I started to see that how I was being treated at home wasn't right.

It wasn't okay to make someone feel the way I was being made to feel.

It wasn't just the affair.

Every day it was something about how I didn't look right. I looked better fat. I was dumb. I would lose the job because I wasn't smart.  I was an embarrassment. Every day it was something new, a new insult to add to the rest.

Another way to make me feel like less than a person.

And still every night, he flaunted the affair.

And still I begged. Begged for our life together.

Until I stopped begging.

I stopped asking.

I started getting angry.

He noticed.

I stopped sleeping in our room. In our bed.

I still had moments of weakness where I tried to entice him back to me. But I really didn't want him anymore. Not if he wanted her more than me. Not if he was saying the things I read in their conversations. He loved her. He told her that often.

I was ugly. I wasn't good enough. I was his embarrassment.

I started talking to my new friends. I started to feel stronger. I asked questions. I got answers.

I stopped feeling so dumb.

I started feeling strong.

But I was still scared.

He finally noticed my distance.

He begged me to give him another chance. He wanted to change and leave her and be with me. Be the best husband and father to our kids.

He cried.

I didn't.

I was done.

I knew it. In the time it took him to tell me he wanted to be with me again.

I realized, I didn't need him.

I didn't want him.

All the things I had been fighting for, all the beliefs I thought I had. He had taken that from me. And I didn't want him back. I didn't want to hurt anymore.

So I filed for divorce that day.

I tried to make it work with both of us living in the same house. I tried to make him know I wasn't his anymore. I wanted this.

He thought I'd change my mind. He was sure of it.

I wasn't a brave person.  And he knew it.

I always caved.

But I didn't.

It took an act from an angel, to push me to be brave.

One night things turned from sad to scary.

My husband changed. And I finally knew it wasn't right.

He had just come home from another one of his lovers weekends in New York.

And I didn't want to hear about his adventure. I didn't want anything to do with him.

He held me down. He tried to take from me what I no longer wanted to give him.

I ran, tried to lock the bathroom door, he held the knob on the other side.

I begged him to let go, to leave me alone.

He refused.

I recorded the whole interaction with a voice recorder on my phone.

I was terrified he would do something.

When he finally lost interest, I typed up the whole exchange on my phone. I sent it and the recording to one of my new friends. Who also happened to be a police officer.

He was my angel.

He reported what I sent him.

He did his job.

Even though it could have ruined our friendship. He wasn't going to let me go back to a house I wasn't safe in. A house where I was terrified to sleep incase my husband snapped again.

The next day I had to file a report, I told my story.

I cried, I shook, I was terrified.

He would try to get me back, he would fight me on this. He would hurt me.

He was arrest that night for domestic charges.

I signed a 72 hour "cool down" which meant he could have no contact with me for 72 hours and since I had the house and the kids, he couldn't be there either.

He retaliated.

He filed a restraining order against me. With a whole report of lies.

He had me served at my job.

I was so embarrassed.

My boss was there.

My co-workers were there.

My new friends.

My new world.

The job I thought was going to make me so brave, he was going to get that taken away from me.

Except he didn't.

They stood by me.

They were there to comfort me. They made me feel strong.

I'd get through it.

They'd see to it.

And I did.

I moved out.

Got my own place.

Learned to stand on my own two feet.

On April 21, 2016 I found freedom.

I bought my own house in July 2016.

I got a second job, my dream job at the school in August 2016.

And I still work at the police department.

I still have all my friends.  My family in blue.

And I met someone.

A man to be exact.

A good man.

A man who gives me confidence that happily ever afters really do exist.

A man who showed me what love should feel like.

A man who likes my crazy. (He's even said so)

A man who doesn't try to change me.

Who doesn't feel I am an embarrassment.

A man who feeds me. Who has helped me become healthy. Or at least on a path to get there.

A man who takes care of me. Who makes me feel special.

One who looks at me. Who knows my faults, my insecurities, my quirkiness. And doesn't make fun of me for it. He embraces it.

He is someone who I can ask anything and he won't laugh at my curiosity, he teaches me.

He has made me a better person.

He has filled my cloudy days with sunshine.

He pushes me and challenges me to step outside my comfort zone in so many good ways.

He doesn't let my insecurities restrict me from experiencing life.

He too was broken. He was alone for longer than me, but I think we both are helping the other heal.

When I look into his eyes, I feel like I am home.

And he is a firm believer in forehead kisses.

While I don't know what the future holds. I know I am happy where I am. Happier than I have been in a very very long time.

I feel safe.

I feel like I can take on the challenges of life with my head held high.

And that brings me to now. To where I am right this moment.

Currently, I am sitting at my manfriends house, waiting for him to get home from work.

So that is where I have been. I am sorry for disappearing. I really am.

I am back. Not like I was, but like I am.

I am slowly getting back to writing.

I have not given up. I do still wish to get you all the characters that still swim around in my head.

I understand them more now.

I understand their relationships more. Their friendships.

I can fully appreciate the struggles and the rewards.

I understand the love they have for each other. I don't have to pretend.

My writing will be stronger, my books will mean so much more.

I have been to my lowest low and came out a victor.

And so will they.

So, if you have made it to the end of this. Thank you. I appreciate you. Even if I don't say that enough, know that I do.

I fully appreciate every friendship I have made and every person who not truly knowing it, has stood by me when I needed them the most.

I have some big things in store for the Linked Series. I can not wait to share it with you.

I am not afraid to be me another. And so I should be able to get more done faster!

Until next time!
~M~

2015 Pitchwars Mentee Bio

Well here goes nothing. 

I apologize in advance for typos, ramblings and things that just don't make sense.

Guarantee they make sense in my head.

I'm married to my high school sweetheart and the mom of two blonde monsters. And one miniature Dalmatian, (she's part terrier). I am a proud Wisconsinite. I hate the winters here though.

I have a not so secret crush on Miles Teller and I am crushed that they cancelled Glee.

I guess you want to know about my writing... right? Because this is a writing bio...

I entered my debut novel Neophyte. This is like the third year I entered it.. and the last time I will. I only entered with it this one last time because I rewrote it and edited it to be an NA where it used to be a YA.

Neo is the first book in a seven book planned paranormal series, titled Linked. All of which are NA.  Luminary and Rogue are completed and just need final edits.

Currently I am writing Guardian and Ipsum simultaneously.

Not in the Linked Series I have also written:

- Tainted Lullaby which is an NA contemporary romance and is in need of edits.

- Superman (working title not actual) which is also a NA contemporary romance. Which I need to finish writing.

- Space Grease is my YA sci-fi that I just started writing and am so excited about.

Things about me that are not writer related... I love shopping, crafting, writing (duh), I once tried out to be a professional cheerleader and laughed hysterically through the entire audition.

Im a soccer mom (4 days a week) and a dance mom (2-3 days a week) and still fit in time to sleep and stare at the laundry monster.

I've tried to lure cleaning elves to my house with cookies but they were not impressed and so my house is always in a perpetual state of maybe clean.

If I had a super power it would be the ability to read minds.

And beyond popular believe I was not raised by wolves. But I am addicted to high heels.

Favorite foods are salad and ice cream.

Yes I am a contradiction.

Deal with it.

I think I've numbed your brain enough.

Have a good day.

From the depths of chaos,
~M

Writing...

I have been staring at a blinking cursor for half an hour now.

I should be writing, I have a deadline and this one only has about 20k worth of content to write.

But the cursor keeps blinking and I just keep staring at it.

I've had stories come to me in an instant, and I've had stories I had to dig up every word. This is proving to be the later.

For being a short story, its taking far to long to get it out.

What do you do when you hit a brick wall when you're working on something?

Until next time,
~M

Going mobile

So, I'm learning to be more tech savvy.

I just figured out I could blog from my phone, which will make keeping all of you wonderful fans up to date on all my writing adventures and news!!

Yay!

If I can figure out how to make the posts pretty and chaotic like all the ones I write from my computer I will do that too!

So as for writing news...

Here is what I am currently working on:

Neophyte - final edits (I have a couple queries still out there if nothing comes back I'm hoping to get it in your hands this fall via self-pubbing. Both digitally and in paper form.)

For those of you that read the original Neophyte 3 years ago when I jumped the gun and pubbed it before really knowing what I was doing... first let me say I'm sorry for being so unprofessional about it. And that you'd really enjoy the new version. It is clean, edited and polished. And while it's similar to the original, it is such a better story now. And I am re-marketing it as New Adult instead of Young Adult so it flows with the rest of the series.

Luminary - is done. Just needs some touch ups and final edits. This was a secret project book that surprised even me. I can not wait to share it with you!

Rogue - is also done. But needs a little face lift and edits.

Guardian and Ipsum are both in the works to be written, but are currently in pieces.

Human (working title, not actual title) - prequel novella to Neophyte. Gives you a look into the angel world pre-Addisyn.

As for other books/series I've been work I on...

Pink Elephants/Superman (working title not actual title) - A NA contemporary romance about an aspiring dancer is about halfway written and proving to be a great read. (This I refer to as my Miles Teller novel because he inspired the main male lead)

Tainted Lullaby - written but under major construction. NA contemporary romance. Need to rework some of the bugs in this one. But its such a great book and I love, love, love Dex, the main male lead.

Space Grease - YA Sci-fi. This was a pet project that I'm not sure how far it will go, but it's a lot of fun to write. 

So that's what I've been up to lately. What about you?

Comment and tell me what you've been reading this summer! I'd love to hear from you all!

2015 Here we go!

So, yes, it's been awhile.

 

Sorry!

 

Life has been crazy!

 

My 10 year old fur-baby, Tipsy passed away, leaving a LARGE hole in our hearts (she was a great dane). And after having to endure my 7 year old son listening to "The sad song" over and over in his room, we adopted a puppy.

 

Well, toddler dog, not really a puppy. She is about 11 months old now. And she keeps us busy!



She's a Dalmatian/terrier and about 30lbs of energy. She keeps us busy, and she also is a perfect fit for our family. She loves the Monsters and cuddles with anyone.

 

But on the book side of my life....

 

-- I've finished writing and editing Luminary. --

 

-- AND I've finished writing Rogue. --

 

**Oh, I should note, Neophyte is YA, while the rest of the series falls more into the NA category**

 

Next up in the Linked Series is Ipsum.

 

But I am torn...

 

Because I have a NA Contempary Romance I would like to edit and get done too.

 

So I ask you...

Work on more Linked Books OR edit the contemporary romance?

 

I also have another contemporary romance that I wrote about 1/3 of that I could finish too.

 

What do to, what do to?

 

Until next time!

 

~M

#PitchWarsAMA

Hello beautiful people of the internet.

I was nominated by Amy Kidd  for #PitchWarsAMA, so I was asked five questions, here are my answers... fair warning. I am a pretty quirky person, I apologize in advance.

@EGMooreWriter asked: what's the weirdest character you've written?

That would have to be my darling Drea. She is a character I came up with years ago for an group story I was writing with some friends. She is mana welder who can't really control her mana very well. Nor can anyone else. Her mana is controlled by her emotions. She is kind of like a Luna Lovegood if Luna Lovegood randomly grew flowers from her ears or crumbled cities on a bad day. She is by far my favorite weird character, she always keeps me on my toes.


@MichaelMammay asked: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

Um.... yeah. For 1. I am terrified of birds. And two... I am way better at English then math or science... so I am going to go with 42. That sounds about right, right?

I believe the correct answer was already answered anyways by "European or African"

But I could also answer with 24 miles per hour. (Because that's what google says)

@D.R.Perry asked: How do you get plot ideas, Emmalee?

Good question. Honestly, I don't have a method to my madness. One book came out of pure thin air. Another was a dream I had. There was one that came from watching a movie. And my kids are always a good inspiration for imagination.

@E.L. Wicker asked: Is there a particular book or author that inspires you more than any other?

Honestly, it changes with the day. When I read I absorb so much from each book. Thinks I like, thinks I don't, feels... etc. There isn't one book that I can pinpoint more than another. But I can say that the FIRST book to ever inspire me was Alice in Wonderland.

And last but not least the question that had me up for a few hours last night....

@Eris0303 asked: Who wins - ninja vs pirate?

I feel like the answer to this should also be the answer to all the worlds questions and therefore should be 42.

But that doesn't explain it.

I think it depends on location... because in the water pirates would totally rule... but on land... pirates wouldn't have a chance and ninjas would totally dominate.

I sat up last night thinking of scenarios and that is what I came up with. Lame I know. But that's my answer and I am sticking to it! Plus, I am working on minimal sleep because I was up all night thinking about this.

And with that, @EGMooreWriter you're up!

#PitchWars Mentee Bio

For those of you here looking for more info on me… you have come to the right place.

Insert awkward pause…

Hi, I’m Emmalee. I have been writing since I was about twelve, and I haven’t had writer’s block in about three months.

End Writer’s anonymous speech.

Anyways.

I am a little crazy, a little quirky, a lot random and a splash hippie.

8 years ago, I married my high school sweetheart, about a year and a half after that I became a stay at home mom and really started writing.

This was the only serious picture I could find from that day. We are so not serious people!

I have two blonde haired monsters, Tuca, our son, who’s seven. And Goosie, our daughter, who’s four. (Clearly, those are not the names on their birth certificates, but they both answer to them) 

My husband, D, is a computer geek by day, volunteer EMT by night. 

And by night, I mean, dead of sleep, middle of the night, pager going off and scaring the crap out of you to the point where you thrash around in bed trying to figure out what the hell is going on for about five minutes before realizing it’s not the fire alarm and you’re not having a heart attack.

I write Young Adult Fantasy and New Adult contemporary.

I did at one point try to self-publish, but after falling hard on my arse and making a complete fool out of myself for doing it when I wasn’t ready, I have taken that book off the market, put on the cone of shame, tucked my tail and started to edit hardcore.  Since then, I have gained two AMAZING CPs and grown a ton!

I tend to learn lessons the hard way.

I’m the volunteer coordinator for the PTO at my monster’s schools.  And I volunteer a lot of time in the elementary schools.

Right now, I have three little girls playing Princess Tea party on a sleeping bag in my living room. My son has escaped from girl world going on here and ran across the street to the neighbors to play. There was too much dress up going on, he said.

I love vanilla ice cream and fresh out of the garden tomatoes. (We planted 52 tomato plants this year… I am going to regret that statement come the end of August). 

I have no tattoos but I love tattoo shows.

When I was a kid I wanted to be a cheerleader when I grew up. After doing that for 12+ years plus coaching for 6, I have hung up my pom poms.

I’m willing to edit quickly, especially since school will be starting in T minus 3 weeks!!! 

I am horrible at public speaking but I am a great party planner. I am very detail orientated.

I love to craft, but I don’t have a crafting niche. I sew, quilt, do paper crafts, cut vinyl… pretty much I will try anything crafty at least once. 

My favorite holiday is Halloween. I love skittles and gummy bears.

I will definitely work hard as a mentee.

Thank you Brenda Drake and #PitchWars for this amazing opportunity. 

~M